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Battling with Myself December 17, 2015

Filed under: Adventures in Project Land — Colli @ 4:17 pm

On August 20th at 2 o’clock in the morning I fell in our bathroom. At first we thought I might be okay, so I went back to bed then to work. Once I started getting ready for work I realized that I was wrong. Later that day I saw the doctor and my adventures with the doctors and disability leave began. Since then I have had x-rays, MRIs and Physical Therapy while being treated by 4 different doctors.

When the doctors out me out on leave for 3 months it never occurred to me that the time would be extended. There would be physical therapy appointments and lots of recovery time then back to work. Shoulder injury can’t take that long to heal, right? Oh so wrong!! After first round of PT they found injury to my elbow as well as my shoulder. Neither were healing as the doctor would have liked so I got a cortisone shot in both which extended my leave another 6 weeks.

Cool! I get Thanksgiving break and a little more recovery time then back to work. NOPE!! The shots were done 2 weeks apart and hurt like the dickens. I was down for the count for a least 2 days after each shot.  The shots did make a difference in the pain (once the pain of the shot itself stopped) but it was not enough for me to return to work. So I was sent for MRI and x-ray of my neck as well, which leads me to my next doctor the neurologist.

This break from work might be nice if I was not injured. It is hard for me to sit still or have nothing to do. All my life I have been busy doing something, even if it was reading. Well ok, so I can read and watch TV but there is only so much of that that I can take.

My body is battling to heal and I am battling with depression. The longer I am out from work the more useless I feel. Useless wife, useless homeowner, useless dog mommy. You would think that feeling depressed and useless would encourage me to do something about it but in truth it is hard to. My Mom has admitted bouts of depression and found that admitting them to others can just the kick in the butt needed to beat depression. I am hoping that admitting this now will give me a kick in the butt too.

Cross your fingers and pray for me! Pray that we get some answers from the neurologist and that I can heal. Pray that I do not have to admit defeat and return to work. Starting a new life reliant on pain medication to live.

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